I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize