i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
