Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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