A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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