some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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