I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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