He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
