She's JV to your varsity
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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