i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
