Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
