So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
