so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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