lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
