..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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