i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
