Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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