And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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