why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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