Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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