She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
