This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
