its not stalking. its research.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
