I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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