Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
