i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
