and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
