Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
