dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize