Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
being pregnant is like rehab
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
