I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
