yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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