I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
