I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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