could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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