I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
