i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
