She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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