Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
