You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
