Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
