Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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