mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
