Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
