Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
