either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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