Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
