I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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