It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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