I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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