did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
