I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
