Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
