I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
