I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize