I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
