I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
