Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
