you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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