All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize