whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
