My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Farmville is her only friend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
