he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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