I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
