The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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