1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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