thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
