Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
