glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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