i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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